Time

What the fuck have I been doing all this time? That's not metaphorical. What have I been doing? I’ve been sleeping, eating, running, practicing yoga, talking, writing (but not on here), listening, smiling (not enough), searching, working, waiting, I’ve been doing all that and more so why do I feel I’m treading water? What if this is as good as it gets? It might not be and it also might just be.

Actually I am waiting for something. I’m waiting for my fight with the Yanks to be over. After next week I will decide when that will be, but for the moment a certain part of me is I’m waiting.

The other part is planning and thinking. I’m planning what is going to happen after the fight. I’m planning my next adventure. I’m planning various business ideas. I’m actually planning to stop planning at some stage and just be. Just being is titanically hard for me. I start to feel I’m not achieving anything, I’m not doing anything and I’m wasting time. But the true question is, am I, are we, doing something that is worth it? What is worth really? Worth to you, worth to a community, worth to the world, all these questions are very worthy. Who gets to decide what you are doing is worth it? Only you. Are you making a difference in your life? Are you making a difference in the lives of the people around you? Are you choosing your worth and living up to it every day. These are very hard questions and easy to avoid, I know. But the first stage comes with asking questions. The second comes from having the strength to want to change. The third comes when making change a matter of your personal responsibility. The realisation that no one else who is more capable than you.

“It is the realisation that the most potent weapon in the hands of the oppressor is the mind of the oppressed”

Steve Biko, speaking about black consciousness and the restoration of pride and dignity of black people after centuries of racism